[ He wants to remind Phainon that he had the luxury of forgetting the previous cycles each time it happened. Phainon was not afforded that, and had to live through each one, as Khaslana or the Reaver. That Phainon was still never intentionally cruel, that he made their deaths swift.
He has had enough of talking of death. Let Phainon cry for all the lost heirs on his chest. ]
I was able to be kind because of you. You were the one who showed me my people could walk another path, when you welcomed us to Okhema.
[ Phainon can remember being small, can remember dreaming of Castrum Kremnos, of the tales of warriors and the heroics that came with it. He remembers being a soldier, and the idle daydreams.
He remembers seeing Mydeimos, and laughing, thinking him a shirtless idiot.
How much things change.
Curled around him now, he doesn't want to let go, afraid that he will lose him forever, another cycle gone. ]
They walked with me, too. When you died... I don't remember when. I wore your red, and we marched against the Tide. We mourned together, your people and I.
[ It isn't as if Mydeimos is going to let Phainon go anytime soon; his arm is wrapped firmly around his middle, and his other hand sits at the base of his skull, palm against the back of his neck. ]
There is no one else I would trust with my people's lives other than you. Even now.
[ He chuckles. ]
Your courage gave me courage. If I had not seen it, I would not have been willing to abdicate the throne and trust them to find a way.
[ He's sure he's not remembering a cycle where Krateros did convince him to take up the throne and it likely went as poorly as he expected. ]
[ It's soothing, comforting and warm. Even if Phainon still thinks himself undeserving, he doesn't have the strength to move. Mydeimos is a constant, a source of warmth that feels like sunlight on a summer's day, rather than the blazing volcano that his anger and wrath had been.
Even his laugh makes something settle in Phainon, his tears breaking briefly with a hiccuping laugh. ]
You are a greater man than you could ever know, Mydeimos.
[ Hand trailing up, he grips at his clothes, anchoring, needing. ]
[ His tone is lightly teasing, injecting just enough of Anaxa's affectation to make it clear whom he's referencing. He presses his hand against Phainon's back, holding him closer when he grips at the loose shirt he's wearing. ]
I will keep our promises, Phainon. Even if it takes me a thousand years to see to all of them.
[ It's still so much, but some of his burden has been eased.
The little chimera is still curled against them, worried, and Phainon is still gripping as if his very heart will fall out of he doesn't, but the storm of his tears has settled and relaxed. When he turns his head, he can breathe properly for what feels like the first time in months.
He keeps hold of Mydeimos, afraid to let go. ]
As will I. In all the lifetimes I led, I never forgot the desire that burned within me.
[ Fig Stew is doing his best to jetpack onto Phainon's back, which makes Mydeimos hide a smile in Phainon's hair, rubbing his fingers between the chimera's ears. He is sure he'll have to remind Phainon of this more than once, but -
The fact that he thought they didn't know, and that now he knows otherwise, should help. He doesn't dislodge Phainon at all. ]
I know. We should make the most of our time here, however.
[ There is no Deliverer to be, no Kremnoans to command. For once they can just be Phainon and Mydeimos. ]
Edited (the sun very much can not rise lets not retraumatize them) 2026-02-21 01:57 (UTC)
[ Phainon is doing all he can to make his wish come true.
He’s befriending others. He’s indulging, sharing his body and his time with people. There are some who’s company he seeks out, for their personalities and for the desire to touch them and cherish them, as odd as if feels. Crossing the line gets easier and easier each time, and he wonders if he’ll get to a point where it feels like nothing.
Almost nuzzling into Mydei, he sigh, suddenly exhausted. ]
You’ve seen me. And I’ve heard the stories about you, as well.
[ If his tone is odd it's because he's fighting to keep the jealousy out of his voice, which Phainon does not need right now. Instead, he ruffles his fingers through his hair again, tilting his head so his cheek rests on top. ]
You sound tired. Rest. I will stay here.
[ Perhaps this will help with the nightmares he saw in his search history posting. He's read that the sound of a heartbeat can help. ]
[ Phainon takes it as Mydei being unwilling to discuss his sexual exploits rather than any kind of jealousy, so he’s more than willing to leave that matter there.
He doesn’t want to upset himself more by thinking about it and getting mad. Knowing that Mydeimos had slept with Cipher as well as him had been a bitter enough pill, even if he’s done the same now.
Leaning back a little, he breathes out softly. He wants to ask how long Mydei will stay for, but doesn’t want to hear the answer. Instead, he nods. ]
I have not been sleeping well lately.
[ And, slowly, as if afraid the moment will break, he leans down to settle on his bed properly. ]
[ His tone is light, hiding the concern he truly feels. The house is quiet enough, the soundproofing keeping any screams from Mydei's ears, but he can still see the way exhaustion hangs on his friend in the mornings.
He squeezes his arm around Phainon a little more pointedly. ]
I said I'd stay, if you want to rest on me.
[ Given Phainon still has his hand fisted in his shirt like he'll drown if he doesn't. ]
This conversation might help. Being close to Mydei might help. He’s uncertain, but those big arms squeezing around him and the gentle words make the edges of his determination disappear.
Sinking into Mydei instead, Phainon nods. ]
I’ll rest here, then. Move me where you’d like.
[ His face is buried in Mydei’s chest, mostly innocently. ]
I'm surprised Cipher isn't chasing you around with concealer.
[ Spoiler alert, it's Mydeimos who has the makeup in this house; that eyeliner doesn't knife point itself. ]
This is fine.
[ Talking sense into Phainon is tiring. Mydeimos keeps himself curled around Phainon like he can physically protect him from the nightmares, though, Fig Stew a warm presence on Phainon's back. ]
[ He feels warm here, a comforting one rather than the angry blaze. Safe, too. He knows Mydei will care for him, take care of him, as he has done so many times before.
He’s half asleep before he knows it, mumbling into his friend’s skin. ]
[ Mydeimos hums acknowledgement, gently stroking Phainon's hair again until he's sure the man is asleep. Only then does he let out a small sigh. ]
Perhaps I was wrong to wish for what we needed instead of what I wanted.
[ Would they accept a change? Phainon's continued happiness? He doesn't consider removing his memories; it would insult all that Phainon has gone through to make that decision unilaterally. Thoughts running through his head, he lets Phainon's warmth in his arms lull him into his own sleep. ]
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no subject
He has had enough of talking of death. Let Phainon cry for all the lost heirs on his chest. ]
I was able to be kind because of you. You were the one who showed me my people could walk another path, when you welcomed us to Okhema.
no subject
[ Phainon can remember being small, can remember dreaming of Castrum Kremnos, of the tales of warriors and the heroics that came with it. He remembers being a soldier, and the idle daydreams.
He remembers seeing Mydeimos, and laughing, thinking him a shirtless idiot.
How much things change.
Curled around him now, he doesn't want to let go, afraid that he will lose him forever, another cycle gone. ]
They walked with me, too. When you died... I don't remember when. I wore your red, and we marched against the Tide. We mourned together, your people and I.
no subject
There is no one else I would trust with my people's lives other than you. Even now.
[ He chuckles. ]
Your courage gave me courage. If I had not seen it, I would not have been willing to abdicate the throne and trust them to find a way.
[ He's sure he's not remembering a cycle where Krateros did convince him to take up the throne and it likely went as poorly as he expected. ]
no subject
Even his laugh makes something settle in Phainon, his tears breaking briefly with a hiccuping laugh. ]
You are a greater man than you could ever know, Mydeimos.
[ Hand trailing up, he grips at his clothes, anchoring, needing. ]
I never forget that. I could not.
[ Forget you? Like I'd ever. ]
no subject
[ His tone is lightly teasing, injecting just enough of Anaxa's affectation to make it clear whom he's referencing. He presses his hand against Phainon's back, holding him closer when he grips at the loose shirt he's wearing. ]
I will keep our promises, Phainon. Even if it takes me a thousand years to see to all of them.
no subject
The little chimera is still curled against them, worried, and Phainon is still gripping as if his very heart will fall out of he doesn't, but the storm of his tears has settled and relaxed. When he turns his head, he can breathe properly for what feels like the first time in months.
He keeps hold of Mydeimos, afraid to let go. ]
As will I. In all the lifetimes I led, I never forgot the desire that burned within me.
no subject
The fact that he thought they didn't know, and that now he knows otherwise, should help. He doesn't dislodge Phainon at all. ]
I know. We should make the most of our time here, however.
[ There is no Deliverer to be, no Kremnoans to command. For once they can just be Phainon and Mydeimos. ]
no subject
[ Phainon is doing all he can to make his wish come true.
He’s befriending others. He’s indulging, sharing his body and his time with people. There are some who’s company he seeks out, for their personalities and for the desire to touch them and cherish them, as odd as if feels. Crossing the line gets easier and easier each time, and he wonders if he’ll get to a point where it feels like nothing.
Almost nuzzling into Mydei, he sigh, suddenly exhausted. ]
You’ve seen me. And I’ve heard the stories about you, as well.
no subject
[ If his tone is odd it's because he's fighting to keep the jealousy out of his voice, which Phainon does not need right now. Instead, he ruffles his fingers through his hair again, tilting his head so his cheek rests on top. ]
You sound tired. Rest. I will stay here.
[ Perhaps this will help with the nightmares he saw in his search history posting. He's read that the sound of a heartbeat can help. ]
no subject
He doesn’t want to upset himself more by thinking about it and getting mad. Knowing that Mydeimos had slept with Cipher as well as him had been a bitter enough pill, even if he’s done the same now.
Leaning back a little, he breathes out softly. He wants to ask how long Mydei will stay for, but doesn’t want to hear the answer. Instead, he nods. ]
I have not been sleeping well lately.
[ And, slowly, as if afraid the moment will break, he leans down to settle on his bed properly. ]
no subject
[ His tone is light, hiding the concern he truly feels. The house is quiet enough, the soundproofing keeping any screams from Mydei's ears, but he can still see the way exhaustion hangs on his friend in the mornings.
He squeezes his arm around Phainon a little more pointedly. ]
I said I'd stay, if you want to rest on me.
[ Given Phainon still has his hand fisted in his shirt like he'll drown if he doesn't. ]
no subject
[ They’re not good, either.
This conversation might help. Being close to Mydei might help. He’s uncertain, but those big arms squeezing around him and the gentle words make the edges of his determination disappear.
Sinking into Mydei instead, Phainon nods. ]
I’ll rest here, then. Move me where you’d like.
[ His face is buried in Mydei’s chest, mostly innocently. ]
no subject
[ Spoiler alert, it's Mydeimos who has the makeup in this house; that eyeliner doesn't knife point itself. ]
This is fine.
[ Talking sense into Phainon is tiring. Mydeimos keeps himself curled around Phainon like he can physically protect him from the nightmares, though, Fig Stew a warm presence on Phainon's back. ]
no subject
[ He feels warm here, a comforting one rather than the angry blaze. Safe, too. He knows Mydei will care for him, take care of him, as he has done so many times before.
He’s half asleep before he knows it, mumbling into his friend’s skin. ]
Thank you… My dear Mydeimos.
no subject
Perhaps I was wrong to wish for what we needed instead of what I wanted.
[ Would they accept a change? Phainon's continued happiness? He doesn't consider removing his memories; it would insult all that Phainon has gone through to make that decision unilaterally. Thoughts running through his head, he lets Phainon's warmth in his arms lull him into his own sleep. ]